Jon Lovitz
5 Seasons on Saturday Night Live +  8 Guest Appearances
My name is Tommy Flanagan !

Tommy Flanagan appeared 18 times on Saturday Night Live.

Announcer: And now, a message from Pathological Liars Anonymous.

"Hello, my name is Tommy Flanagan, and I'm a member of Pathological Liars Anonymous. In fact.. I'm the president of the organization! I didn't always lie. No, when I was a kid, I told the truth. But then one day, I got caught stealing money out of my mother's purse. I lied. I told her it was homework -that my teacher told me to do it. And she got fired! Yeah, that's what happened! After that, lying was easy for me. I lied about my age and joined the army. I was thirteen at the time. Yeah.. I went to Vietnam, and I was injured catching a mortar shell in my teeth. And they made me a three-star general! And then I got a job in journalism, writing for the National Enquire.. er, Geographic! Yeah.. I was making twenty thousand a ye.. month! In fact, I won the Pulitzer Prize that year! Yeah, that's the ticket.

And then my cousin died - Joe Louis - and I took it hard. Maybe too hard - I tried to kill myself. Yeahh.. I did kill myself! Sure! I was medically dead for a week and a half! It was a woman that brought me out of it - Indira Gandhi! Yeah, right.. And she told me about Pathological Liars Anonymous. Oh, you'd be surprised how many famous people belong. In fact.. at one of the meetings I met my wife - Morgan Fairchild! Yes, I'm a change man now, and all because of Pathological Liars Anonymous. Why, I - I even have my picture on the cover of Newsweek magazine. Yeah. Every day! Yeah.. that's the ticket! Yeah, you betcha!"

(Tommy's first appearance on November 16, 1985)
Tommy's 2nd appearance on November 23, 1985

Pee Wee & Tommy In Jail
(with guest Pee Wee Herman)
Tommy & Pee Wee (4:29)

Tommy's 3rd appearance on December 14, 1985

Tommy & His Mother
(with guest Tom Hanks)

Tommy's 4th appearance on January 25, 1986

Tommy on Weekend Update
(with Dennis Miller)

Tommy's 5th appearance on February 15, 1986

Pathological Liar Picks Up Jerry Hall
Tommy & Jerry (3:35)

Bartender: What can I get you?
Jerry Hall: Uh.. I think I'll have a white wine spritzer. [ he places it on the counter and moves aside ] Can I get a
    light? [ pulls out a cigarette ]
Tommy Flanagan: [ swaying next to her with a cigarette lighter extended toward her ] I got it!
Jerry Hall: Thank you.
Tommy Flanagan: My name's Tommy, Dr. Tom.. uh.. Senator Tommy Flanagan.
Jerry Hall: Really?
Tommy Flanagan: Mmm hmm.. Say, haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Jerry Hall: I doubt it.
Tommy Flanagan: Oh, I know! I saw you at the.. White House! Yeah, that's the ticket. Why, I was just there last..
   uh.. yesterday. Yeah.. having dinner with the Royal Family.
Jerry Hall: Which Royal Family?
Tommy Flanagan: Uh.. the one on TV. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a producer, you know. Big-time tele.. movie producer. 
   Yeah, that's the ticket! So, what do you do?
Jerry Hall: Oh, I do some modeling, I wrote a book, and I'm into rock and roll.
Tommy Flanagan: Oh, yeah? I wrote a book about rock and roll. Yeah, it was about the guy who invented rock 
   and roll. Yeah, that's it! In fact, it was.. it was an autobiography! Yeah!
Jerry Hall: [ not buying it ] You invented rock and roll?
Tommy Flanagan: Mmm hmm. Swing, too. Yeah, I played with all the big bands - Elvis Presley, Benny 
   Goodman, Buddy Holly, The Who..
Jerry Hall: And I suppose you played with The Stones, too, huh?
Tommy Flanagan: Well, now you're being silly! I never played with them.
Jerry Hall: I didn't think so.
Tommy Flanagan: No. I managed them! Yeah.. I did. In fact, I wrote all their songs, too. You remember 
   "Satisfaction"? I wrote it!
Jerry Hall: You did not write "Satisfaction".
Tommy Flanagan: Well.. not all of it. Actually.. uh.. Mick Jagger wrote it. Yeah, that's it! But it was originally 
   called, uh.. "I Can't Get No.. uh.. Service in This Place".. and I changed it!
Jerry Hall: You know Mick Jagger?
Tommy Flanagan: Yeah. We were in Vietnam together. In fact, I saved his life.
Jerry Hall: He was never in 'Nam.
Tommy Flanagan: That's how I saved his life - I talked him out of going!
Jerry Hall: Come on! you never met Mick Jagger!
Tommy Flanagan: Oh, yeah? How do you know?
Jerry Hall: Because I'm his wife.
Tommy Flanagan: Oh. [ looks at her hand ] Yeah, well, where's your wedding band?
Jerry Hall: We're not exactly married.
Tommy Flanagan: Ah-ha! I knew you were lying!
Jerry Hall: Well, I am his girlfriend. [ looks to her side ] In fact, here he is now!
Mick Jagger: Hi, darling! I'm sorry I'm a little late. I was.. locked in the studio.
Jerry Hall: Never mind, let's just get going.. [ gets up ]
Tommy Flanagan: [ faking ] Hey, Mick, how you doing! It's me, Tommy! Remember?
Mick Jagger: Who's this guy?
Jerry Hall: Some guy named "Tommy", who thinks he knows you.
Mick Jagger: [ thinking ] Oh, yeah.. I know him!
Tommy Flanagan: [ surprised ] You do?
Jerry Halll: [ also surprised ] Really?
Mick Jagger: Yeah. You remember last weekend when I didn't come home? Uh.. I.. I was.. I was with Tommy. 
   That's right! We were.. we were.. uh.. [ Tommy pantomimes fishing ] together! That's the ticket! Right, 
Tommy Flanagan: [ on the spot ] Yeah, Mick, that's the ticket! You and me, fishing! Yeah! You bet!
Mick Jagger: We caught one this big! [ holds his arms out a couple of feet, while Tommy holds his out twice as 
   much ]
Jerry Hall: [ not interested, wanting to go ] Come on.. [ pulls Mick out of the bar ]
Tommy Flanagan: See? I told you I knew him.
Mick Jagger: [ whispering to Tommy as he passes ] Thanks, buddy, I owe you for this one. [ faces the camera 
   before he exits ] "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"
Tommy's 6th appearance on February 22, 1986

Tommy's Studio Tour
(with Jay Leno)

Tommy's 7th appearance on March 15, 1986

SNL Rumors

Tommy's 8th appearance on March 22, 1986

Tommy As Grant Tinker
(with Francis Ford Coppola and Lornie Michaels)

Tommy's 9th appearance on May 10, 1986

Producer Tommy Flanagan
(with Katherine Oxenberg)

Tommy's 10th appearance on May 17, 1986

Mike "The Menace" Hall
(Dennis Miller w/ Anthony Michael Hall)

Tommy's 11th appearance on October 11, 1986

Tommy & His Girlfriends
(with Sigourney Weaver)

Tommy's 12th appearance on November 8, 1986

Tommy "Lorne" Flanagan
(with Rosanna Arquette)

Tommy's 13th appearance on December 6, 1986

Weekend Update
(with Dennis Miller & Chevy Chase)

Tommy's 14th appearance on January 24, 1987

Tommy & Walter Payton
(with Walter Payton & A Whitney Brown)

Tommy's 15th appearance on February 21, 1987

Tommy & Willie Nelson
(with Willie Nelson)

Tommy's 16th appearance on May 23, 1987

Weekend Update
(with Dennis Miller)

Tommy's 17th appearance on April 1, 1989

Weekend Update
(with Dennis Miller)

Tommy's last appearance on November 8, 1997

Weekend Update
(with Norm MacDonald)

Yeah, that's the ticket !
I was frozen in a glacier
I discovered the Philipines
I went to Tibet
Hanukkah Harry
Hanukkah Harry appeared 2 times on Saturday Night live.
Hanukkah Harry's 1st appearance on December 16, 1989

The Night Hanukkah Harry Saved Christmas
(with Victoria Jackson and Mike Myers)
Hanukkah Harry Saves Christmas

Hanukkah Harry's 1st appearance on April 14, 1990

The Night Hanukkah Harry Saved Easter
(with Jan Hooks and Tom Schiller)

Master Thespian
Master Thespian appeared 13 times on Saturday Night Live
Master Thespian's 1st appearance on December 7, 1985

Master Thespian
(with John Lithgow as Baudelier)
Master Thespian (4:56)

Master Thespian's 2nd appearance on January 25, 1986

Master Thespian
(with Dudley Moore  as Sir Roger Tewksbury)

Master Thespian's 3rd appearance on February 15, 1986

Master Thespian
(with Jerry Hall as Sire Rebecca Maheux)

Master Thespian's 4th appearance on March 22, 1986

Master Thespian's Ghost
(with Francis Ford Coppola)

Master Thespian's 5th appearance on March 22, 1986

The Grand Finale

Master Thespian's 6th appearance on April 19, 1986

Master Thespian

Master Thespian's 7th appearance on November 22, 1986

And So Adieu
(with Phil Harman as Godfrey)

Master Thespian's 8th appearance on April 11, 1987

Master Thespian
(with John Lithgow as Baudelaire)

Master Thespian's 9th appearance on December 19, 1987

Master Thespian

Master Thespian's 10th appearance on January 30, 1988

Master Thespian
(with Carl Weathers as Chin Hua)

Master Thespian's 11th appearance on November 19, 1988

Master Thespian
(with John Lithgow as Baudelaire)

Master Thespian's 12th appearance on December 10, 1988

(with Kevin Kline)

Master Thespian's last appearance on February 25, 1989

Master Thespian
(with Glenn Close as Astoria Dubois V)

Brilliant ! Genius !
Harry Meyer
Harry Meyer appeared 2 times on Saturday Night Live
Harry Meyer's 1st appearance on October 18, 1986

Johnny's Finished
(with Phil Hartman as Johnny O'Connor)
I'm Lettin' You Go !

Harry Meyer's 2nd appearance on September 20, 1989

Johnny's Replacement
(with Phil Hartman as Johnny O'Connor and Bruce Willis as Marty Murphy)

The Girl Watchers
The Girl Watchers appeared 3 times.
We Are Losers
I Don't Know What's Sadder
Bon Voyage
Bob in The Stand-Ups
The Stand-Ups Appeared 3 times on Saturday Night Live
The Stand-Ups
The Stand-Ups 1st appearance on December 14, 1985
(with Damon Wayans)


The Stand-Ups
The Stand-Ups 2nd appearance on February 22, 1986
(with Dennis Miller & Damon Wayans)


The Stand-Ups
The Stand-Ups last appearance on February 20, 1988
(with Tom Hanks & Dennis Miller)
The Stand-Ups (3:28)


Mr. Mephistopheles
Mephistopheles appeared 12 times.
Get To Know Me !
Get To Know Me (1:59)
"The national budget is so complicated, you have to be a genius to understand it. You also have to be important, famous and successful. You say you're none of these? Well, then, I have one piece of advice for you - Get to know me! Get to know my likes, my dislikes. What makes me tick? What makes me me? What's my favorite color? Do I always come to life in the Spring? Get to know me! Now, here's a letter from a man who lives in Manhatten: "Dear Jon, before I got to know you, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody. I didn't have a cent to my name. In fact, I didn't have a name - I couldn't afford one. And then I got to know you, and today they call me Donald Trump!" Get to know me! What do I do in my spare time? Have I always had this much hair? Where is my secret freckle? Get to know me! Now, here's a letter from a woman who lives in Europe: "Dear Jon, before I got to know you, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody. I had bad teeth and couldn't afford braces. And then one day, I got to know you. Well, I never got those braces, but today they call me Queen Elizabeth!" Get to know me! Now, here's a letter from someone who didn't get to know me: "Dear Blank, I didn't get to know you, signed Nobody." Now, I know some of you are probably thinking, "What a jerk!" Congratulations! You're getting to know me! So, remember, if you want to get to know me, get to know me!"  (SNL - Weekend Update - 2/20/88)

[open on Jon Lovitz sitting at a table in the russian Tea Room with Paulina Poriskova]

Jon Lovitz: Hello, I'm Job Lovitz, and I'm having lunch in the Russian Tea Room with the most beautiful woman
    in the world - Paulina! Well, we can't all be me. But if you'd like to fulfill your dream like I did, then I have one
    piece of advice for you - Get To Know Me! When did I chip my tooth? Why do I drain my foot? Where is my
    extra bone? Get To Know Me! Got to go - listen to him!
Don Pardo: Hello! Before I got to know Jon, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody! I was stuck in a room reading 
    voiceovers I could barely understand! And then, I got to know him, and now I get to be on TV! And today, 
    they call me.. Don Pardo!
Jon Lovitz: Get To Know Me! Why do I never wear a hat? Why was I banned from Bangkok? Why do women 
    call me "The Anchor"?
Paulina Poriskova: You.. stud! You gorgeous hunk of male flesh.
Jon Lovitz: [ to the camera ] Yes! [ to Paulina ] Uh.. a little lower and to the left. Get To Know Me! Still 
    wondering if you should? Then listen to him!
Lee Iacocca: Before I got to know Jon, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody! I couldn't get a job to save my life! And 
    today, they call me.. Lee Iacocca! Get to know him! And buy a Chrysler..
Don Pardo: It works, I tell you, it works!
Jon Lovitz: Get out, I tell you, get out! Get To Know Me! Why do girls speak to me? Do I shave my eyebrows
    in the middle? Get To Know Me! And now, a final testimonial, from a man who speaks the truth!
Steve Martin: Before I got to know Jon, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody! I was a two-bit comic with an arrow 
    stuck through my head! And then, I got to know him, and now I just starred in a movie called "Parenthood", 
    directed by Opie! And today, they call me.. Steve Martin!
Jon Lovitz: Thank you.
Steve Martin: Thank you!
Lee Iacocca: It's true, I tell you, it's true! Buy a Chrsyler..
Paulina Poriskova: He's a stud!
Steve Martin: I might do a movie directed by Potsie!
Don Pardo: I'm on TV!
Jon Lovitz: Get To Know Me!! (SNL - 05/20/89)