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Ban Bread Now! A hazard to your health
Official Home Page of the Ban Bread Now Foundation

Learn the facts. Join our cause. Make a huge contribution.
"Smell of baked bread may be health hazard." --from an article in the Cincinnati Enquirer. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma may break down ozone. When are we going to do something about bread-induced global warming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go after Big Bread?

More facts. Join our cause. Make a huge contribution.
-- More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
-- Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
-- More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
-- Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
-- Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
-- Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
-- Newborn babies can choke on bread.
-- Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
-- Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling and many have even been known to vote Democratic.
-- Bread has been the catalyst for political upheaval and dietary disaster worldwide, the militant "Whole Grain Cult", for instance.
-- After Jesus broke bread with his disciples the resulting betrayal changed world history forever. (Incorrect fundamentalist thinking blames it on the wine.)
-- Money is sometimes called "bread". Money is the root of all evil. Coincidence?

Frightening statistics! We propose the following:
-- No sale of bread to minors.
-- A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete with celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
-- A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
-- No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
-- The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
-- Eliminate subsidies for farmers engaged in the growing of wheat.
-- Health hazard warning labels to be placed on all packages of bread.

How can you help?
-- Make a huge contribution.
-- Put us in your will.
-- Link to this site to spread the word.
-- Tell your friends, strangers and coworkers.
-- Contact your Congressman and demand action now.
-- Organize "bread lines" in your neighborhood.
-- Use the email link to send your credit card and pin numbers.
-- Join this organization for a mere one-time fee of $1000. **
-- Don't forget that huge contribution. PayPal button for your convenience.

Tacky Ban Bread logo     Ban Bread Now Foundation
Hoffer, PA

Thanks to haleyscomet for the inspiration.
Site created 10 Jun 02, fixed for Netscape 24 Jun 02
Check out the lunatic responsible for this!
copyright © rejection 2002 all rights preserved
last site update 8 March 2005
** Charter members receive a Ban Bread membership card and a really cool Dough Boy Decoder.
      Quantities of the decoder are limited so act now!

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